I find more inspiration and motivation in writer collaboration than from any other pursuit. Are you one of those writers who agrees?
Do you feel more in sync with other writers than with, oh, the people at work? Or your accountant? Do you find it easier to brainstorm with folks who don’t scoff at the ideas you come up with? Especially when those ideas might occasionally focus on topics such as the different ways one character can poison another?
If so, consider joining my membership community and attending Craft Chat meetings. We:
Enjoy exchanging ideas and viewpoints
Strive to improve our skills and are open to different techniques
Work to become better storytellers and/or refine our writing styles and voices
Love the synergy of a small, intimate group
Exclusive Content and Access to Craft Chat
In addition to the regular posts on my blog, I post exclusive content for my members. For me, it really is all about writer collaboration. At the Craft of Writing level, you’ll find craft tips, videos, how-tos, and information shared by other writers. Recent posts include Birth Order Characteristics and Creating Character Profiles.
You’ll also find downloadable forms, such as character profile templates. I upload new content on a regular basis, so keep checking back.
Craft Chat: The Place for Writer Collaboration
I offer access to monthly Craft Chat meetings to members of my community. They offer a casual but structured environment where we chat about our craft, the challenges we face, and our continued progress. My hope is for each writer to connect with one or more other attendees, without pressure, to find what he or she needs.
For more information, watch the quick video that appears above or check out the Membership page on my website. Once you join my membership community (there’s no cost to join), you’ll be taken to your Membership Dashboard. From there, you can access the exclusive content and register for Craft Chat.
Are you interested in what I consider the most important marketing tips to be?
A few years ago I wrote and presented a 30-minute workshop about marketing. Here’s the video for your viewing pleasure!
Feel free to share your comments below, as well as any advice or suggestions you’d like to add!
If you’re a writer or an insurance agent who’s interested in more tips, how-tos, and other valuable content and resources, why not consider joining my Membership community? There’s no cost to join and you’ll gain access to exclusive content, as well as Craft Chat and Mentoring Moments.
If we writers had crystal balls, we’d have no problem creating memorable fictional characters. Especially when writing short stories and flash fiction.
But how do I, as a woman, actually know what a guy thinks or feels? Yes, men and women are both human and share many similarities … but, let’s face it, everyone knows they’re different, too.
In this blog post, I share some of what I learned during the process of co-writing a mystery novel with my friend Herb, and from collecting the opinions of numerous writers over the years.
They say to write what you know. But what do I know about being a guy? Or what goes on in the minds of men?
Another challenge I’ve faced throughout my writing career is to create characters who don’t sound just like me. That challenge is magnified when I’m writing male characters.
Cowriting with my buddy Herb is, without a doubt, one of the best learning experiences of my writing career. During our collaboration co-authoring a mystery, and throughout the process of critiquing each other’s’ works-in-progress (WIPs), he’s given me insights I wouldn’t have had on my own.
In short, each of us wrote from the point of view (POV) of specific characters in the book—both male and female. Because each of us has a different background (me with insurance and he with law enforcement and the military), we were able to provide further insight into how our characters would/should behave and talk.
Quick Quiz
Can you tell which character (Karl and Stephanie) spoke each of the following lines of dialogu?
Line 1
Ed’s boat went down in a storm three days ago. He’s–he’s–gone.”
Line 2
Gone? Ed? Three days ago?
I’ll bet you could. Line 1 is Stephanie and Line 2 is Karl. Read on to learn some of the characteristics that set male and female characters apart.
In the controversial but fascinating book, Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women, more than a dozen best-selling romance writers spell out many of the differences they note between men and women. I agree with the perspectives of many of these writers. Specifically, with respect to the manner in which men and women speak, I’ve learned and observed the following generalizations:
Although everyone will tell you that women talk more than men do, this isn’t always the case. In fact, a study shows it’s only true in a certain age group.
Women ask more questions than men do.
Men interrupt more often than women do.
Women tend to be specific and men tend to be vague. Just ask a woman and a man what color that dress is. The woman will say mauve and the man will say pink. Or purple.
Men are more apt to give orders and women are more apt to make suggestions.
So, you may be wondering, what does this have to do with creating memorable fictional characters? We need to focus on these differences and incorporate them into our characters’ dialogue and behavior.
One tool I’ve found useful is to maintain a spreadsheet or chart of the characters in the story or book I’m writing. In it, I list unique manners of speaking and traits for each character while ensuring that no two characters share the same physical gestures, buzz words, etc.
In the book I’m writing now, Allie is my lead character. She tends to use long, flowing sentences and think deeply. I don’t allow any other characters to use certain words and phrases that she does, such as:
Still, though, given, sure, ditto, yep, nope, nah
In fact, no kidding, then again
Willa, a secondary character, speaks and thinks in shorter, more direct sentences. She’s the only character who uses the following words and phrases:
Yes!, despite, now, sweetie, however
On the other hand, bit my tongue
I also make sure that when Allie describes people and objects, and just generally inside her head, she uses words and connections with sound and smell. (She’s auditory.) On the other hand, Willa’s awareness is primarily visual. However, they both have a connection with scent that runs through the story.
Why Showing Differences is Important
By using separate and distinct qualities and manners of speaking, it’s easier for the reader to (a) identify which character is speaking, and (b) identify with the character herself. By allowing the characters to share a similar trait, I’m able to subtly build the connection between the two women.
One of the best strategies I use when writing from a male perspective is to ensure that much of the character’s conversation and internal thought is short and to the point. I’ve found that men tend to use less description in their talk, less reference to emotion, and fewer words.
Here are some examples from Death Benefits, the book Herb and I wrote together. Note how the male and female characters speak differently. See if you can guess which of us wrote which excerpt.
Excerpt 1
“Glad to meet you, Mrs. Tito. Um, Stephanie. I’m Karl, Ed’s friend, and I’m in town now. Is Ed home?”
“Karl?”
“Yeah, Karl Stryker. Ed’s Army buddy. I want to come by and shoot the … meet up with Ed.”
After a long pause, the woman wpoke very softly. “You haven’t heard.”
“Heard what?”
“Ed’s boat went down in a storm three days ago. He’s–he’s–gone.”
“Gone? Ed? Three days ago?”
Excerpt 2
Manny pulled a notebook from his jacket pocket. “What does this guy look like?”
She closed her eyes. “Late thirties? Longish blond hair, blue eyes, and clean-shaven. Moved like an athlete. Had a nice, open smile.”
He could always count on Ann for the details. “How tall?”
She opened her eyes and grinned. “Taller than me, shorter than you.”
“Ann.”
“My eyes were level with the crooked knot of his tie.”
Creating Memorable Fictional Characters
To sum up, here’s a chart that contrasts many of the ways in which men and women behave and speak differently. Of course, these are generalizations and each individual man and woman will behave uniquely.
MEN
WOMEN
Find life to be a competition
Find life to be a cooperative effort
Socialize with other men to DO things together
Socialze with other women to talk about their FEELINGS and thoughts
Make decisions about what they plan to do; seldom offer explanations
Say what they want to do and offer the reasons why
Make statements (they’re direct) *
Ask questions and make suggestions (they’re indirect)
Body language isn’t always congruent with what they’re thking and feeling (e.g., they’ll avoid eye contact or turn away when emotional)
Body language usually congruent with how they’re thiking and feeling (e.g., they’ll cry or talk when emotional)
Seldom initiate or choose to discuss their emotions
Often enjoy and invite emotional conversation
Learn how they feel by thinking
Learn how they feel by talking
Interrupt *
Take turns
Ask questions to obtain details and information *
Ask questions to continue talking
Vague (the color is blue)
Specific (the color is indigo)
Rarely use other people’s names in conversation
Often use other people’s names in conversation.
FYI, I inserted an asterisk [*] in the Male column above to show traits I share with most men. Also, FYI, all the Female traits apply to me!
Share your thoughts below and/or feel free to add your suggestions for additions to the list!
Countless salespeople insist that selling based on price is the only way to go. They believe money is the primary basis upon which customers make purchases. And they believe that if they don’t offer the lowest price in the marketplace–or darned close to it–they’re never going to succeed.
I don’t agree. And in this article I share not only why selling based on price is a bad idea but also what a better alternative is.
Don’t feel you have to take my word for it, either. Read any of the books written by Jeffrey Gitomer, such as The Sales Bible, The Little Red Book of Selling, and The Little Red Book of Sales Answers. Or check out Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.
The Mindset
When customers or prospects tell you they’re only interested in buying at the lowest, most competitive price, or if they state the maximum dollar amount they’ll consider spending, everyone’s focus zooms to money. The individual immediately takes control of the negotiation–but only if the salesperson buys into the mindset.
Understanding that price without context has no value changes the dynamic and actually allows the salesperson to take control. So, what does this phrase mean? Let me explain your customer’s mindset. He tells you:
I need a refrigerator
I don’t want to (or can’t) spend more than $500
On the surface, the customer’s focus is on his budget, which is fiscally sound behavior. But his focus doesn’t take into consideration anything else, such as how he values a refrigerator. Every customer values the product or service being purchased, regardless of his budget.
Let’s say you only have two refrigerators for sale under $1,000. The older, used fridge has a price tag of $250. It’s in good shape mechanically but it’s old and faded and a bit beat up. You also have a brand-new fridge that normally has a price tag of $1,200. However, because of serious exterior scratching and an ice-maker that doesn’t function, you’re offering it at half-price, or $600.
If you’re just an order-taker, you offer your customer the “cheaper” product. But if you’re a true salesperson, you know that’s a bad idea. Why? Because you don’t know what the customer expects any refrigerator to do for him or why he wants to buy one.
Determining Value
Why did the customer come to your appliance store? He could have shopped online and made a purchase without the interaction of a salesperson. Yet he came to you.
Why?
Because he wants your help. Ask questions–this is the first way you can provide assistance and show that you find the customer important (i.e., he’s valued). Questions like:
Why are you in the market for a fridge?
Aside from having a budget of $500, what are your requirements and needs:
What size does the refrigerator need to be? There’s no point in considering fridges that won’t fit in the space at home.
Do you want a new or used refrigerator?
What particular features do you want, or not want?
What else should I know?
Then, when you listen to the answers, you reinforce your concern for the customer and his needs. When he gives you his answers (in other words, he states his needs and wishes), you restate them and explain about supply and demand. How appliances in his price range are few and far between in the current economy. However, you do have two refrigerators that cost less than $1,000.
You then describe both items and let him determine the value he finds in each appliance.
If the older, less expensive fridge is too large for the customer’s space, it holds $0 value regardless of the price tag. Ditto for the the new, more costly appliance.
Is the customer bothered by the condition of the older, smaller fridge or the scratches, dents, and broken ice maker on the new one? Some people find no value in secondhand items. Other people find no value in “damaged goods.” What value does your customer find in each of these two refrigerators?
Although the brand-new fridge costs $100 more than the man’s stated budget, the customer may find that a brand-new refrigerator, even with scratches, dents, and an inoperative ice maker, justifies spending $100 more than he’d originally intended. On the other hand, the $250 fridge must just be what he’s looking for. (Not to mention the $250 cash in his pocket after he buys it!)
Context is Everything
Remember: Price untethered to value has no context.
Said a different way: Price alone is just a number. It holds no meaning and no value … unless it’s associated with something else. That’s why selling based on price is a bad idea.
Over the years, many people met with me to discuss buying insurance. Some stated a budget upfront; most didn’t. For either type of customer, I could easily have picked random coverages out of thin air, along with random amounts of insurance, and then shown them a quote. Which would have illustrated price untethered to value.
Instead, I showed them a quote with all the coverages that were available at the highest amounts of insurance. Again, price untethered to value.
Yes, some people choked. And yes, others were stunned speechless. Which worked fine for me. I filled the silence by explaining that I knew nothing about them. Not about who they were, why they wanted to buy insurance, or what they wanted their policy to do for them. But I wanted to know.
I also explained that because my goal was to do the best job I could, I was offering them the most comprehensive insurance policy at the highest amount of coverage available. I showed them they were important to me.
Then, I asked them to give me a few minutes to tell me what they didn’t want and we removed the coverages and features that held no value to them. At the end of the process, my customers arrived at a price that met their needs because they determined the price themselves–and it was always based on value THEY identified THEMSELVES.
This very same process works in connection with all types of sales, in all industries, by all salespeople.
During any negotiation, customers prefer seeing the cost of any purchase go down rather than up. They also prefer having control.
I say: give it to them! Give them all the information that’s available and let them toss away what they decide isn’t worth their money.
Why Selling Based on Price is a Bad Idea
In a negotiation, the first person who mentions price loses.Why? Because that individual isn’t focused on the what or the why or the how. In other words, what the product can do for the buyer, why the buyer needs it, and how everything works.
Customers seek out salespeople because they need help. They lack the product knowledge we have, the technical skill we’ve acquired, and certain abilities that only professionals in our field possess.
During the negitiation process, customers are at a disadvantage … and they know it. Whether consciously or unconsciously, when they toss out a price requirement they do so in an attempt to control both the narrative and the outcome.
Acknowledging a customer’s price requirements and then setting them aside temporarily to discuss value reinforces a salesperson’s ability and desire to help. Especially when the salesperson shows ALL the products/services that are available and encourages the customer to make ALL the decisions.
When salespeople hop on board with only discussing price, they dismiss value … and genuine conversations about value.
Will you run across customers who simply won’t budge from a stated price-point? Absolutely. When that happens, you need to decide if you’ll sell to them based solely on price … or not.
I won’t … because those customers aren’t interested in how I can help them. They’re not interested in context or value–the what, why, and how. They’re only interested in placing an order.
Unfortunately for them, I’m not an order-taker; I’m a professional who offers value.
I’ve heard the phrase, “Love is blind,” ever since I was a child. For the novel I’m currently writing, I’m exploring the concept because one of my characters believes that if you really love someone, you’ll do anything for that person.
When I began crafting my characters and plot, I conducted research on the topic. As always, my research had me recognizing some facts about myself … and feeling much better about some of the dumber relationship mistakes I’ve made.
So, here’s what a handful of scientists and mental health professionals have to say about whether love is blind.
It’s All About Brain Chemistry
When we fall in love (or in lust), our bodies go nuts. Especially our brains. Hormones and brain chemicals conspire to interfere with our common sense. They camouflage what really exists and sometimes prompt us to behave in ways we wouldn’t in the absence of all that romance (or lust).
Thomas Sherman, a noted biochemist and professor at Georgetown University, has said that romantic love subdues the “neural activity associated with critical social assessment of others.” In other words, love makes us believe our lovers are more virtuous and less weak than other people might believe. Love makes us view our lovers through the lens of positivity rather than negativity.
And it’s not that we twist negative reality or refuse to see weaknesses. It’s simply that when we see them, we don’t think they’re meaningful. I don’t remember who used the phrase but somewhere in my research one of the authors explained the phenomenon as us wearing rose-colored glasses during the early stages of love instead of magnifying glasses.
A great example involves how we actually see our lovers. How our minds process the tangibles (cognition) and how reach final conclusions (evaluation). Let’s say Jane is greatly attracted to and loves her boyfriend John. When asked to “rate” his handsomeness in both appearance and attractiveness, she says:
His appearance, on a scale of 1 to 10, is a 6
His attractiveness, on a scale of 1 to 5, is a 4
Because Jane loves John more for his intelligence and sense of humor than his looks, she rates him higher than an objective observer would. Others, those who like but are not in love with John, would rate him a 3 or 4 in appearance and 2 in attractiveness.
Our brains actually shut down their logic receptors when we’re in love, which allows us to focus more on our lovers’ positive qualities than on their negative characteristics. In effect, we’re anesthetized to the behaviors that will drive us nuts later on in the relationship.
Brain Chemicals Behind the “Love is Blind” Phenomenon
Brain chemicals affect lust, attraction, and attachment. We’ve all felt lust. It’s our estrogen and testosterone that get that ball rolling.
Attraction is all about enthusiasm, energy, craving and—sometimes—obsession. Three brain chemicals are responsible for these responses:
Dopamine regulates our reward centers, motivation, sense of novelty, and directs our goals.
Norepinephrine increases our energy, decreases our appetite, races our hearts, and reduces our need for sleep.
Serotonin regulates our mood, sleep, appetite, and cognitive functions. It has a tendency to depress and decrease and is responsible for love-related obsession.
Scientists and psychologists say that, on average, commitment becomes very important in true love relationships about four years in. Commitment can include monogamy, cohabitation, and/or marriage. At this time, the level of dopamine in the brain drops and is replaced by either oxytocin (in women) or vasopressin (in men).
Oxytocin is released during childbirth and breastfeeding. It supports the mother-child bonding, pair bonding, and empathy in women.
Vasopressin makes a male want to bond with a mate and is responsible for territorial aggression. It’s what makes many men so protective of their girlfriends, wives, and families. However, in most males who are not interested in or capable of pair bonding, it’s been found they have lower than normal levels of vasopressin.
Other Factors that Support the Love is Blind Concept
Sherman has also said that “love begins as a stressor then becomes a buffer against the stress.” Love activates the brain’s reward centers. Cortisol increases one’s awareness which, in turn, offsets the stress response. And, of course, dopamine heightens pleasure.
We’ve all heard the phrases, “love at first sight,” “the One,” and the “halo effect.” Pesky brain chemicals are the culprits here, as well. Love at first sight is most likely a combination of lust/physical attraction and projection—seeing in others what we’re feeling/thinking ourselves. When we’re looking for our soulmate, that’s who we think we’re seeing in this gorgeous, wonderful person. Voilá: The One. The halo effect, what my mother used to call my rose-colored glasses, is believing someone is wonderful simply because we find them attractive. (Don’t we expect the murderer to be ugly and the leading man to be gorgeous?)
A Final Word
In short, it’s biology–nature’s attempt to propagate the species–that set our hormones and brain chemicals in motion when we fall in lust. The emotions of true love are an entirely different matter. Few creatures in the wild mate for life.
It’s shared experiences that help build love after the brain chemicals fade. And keep in mind: communication and communication styles can either make or break a relationship. The signs of true love and a healthy romantic relationship include:
Deep emotional intimacy
Trust
Mutual support and respect
Self-awareness
Choosing to love the entire, flawed person
A balance between individuality and togetherness
Belief that love is a journey and not a destination
Resources
Here are links to a couple of articles to get you thinking:
